Take Care of Yourself to be a Better Mom/Wife/Friend

As the fall season comes into view, I'm digging deep to find the motivation I need to be better. I love Fall. I love the crispness in the air, the changing of the leaves, the sense that things are, well, changing. I'm especially loving the fact that I can't really feel these changes just yet (stay a while, summer), but I know they're on the way.

For most of my life, Fall has been the time to set goals and to renew my commitment to be better this year than the year before. For 22+ years, school forced me to set goals, and gave me the motivation to work hard. After graduating from college, it was strange to be suddenly in charge of setting my own goals and deadlines. After having babies and leaving the full-time workforce, it was even stranger...I had no black and white commitments to anyone. (Although keeping a baby and husband alive is no small commitment!)

I quickly found, after the birth of The Boy in 2006, that if I didn't make a commitment to do certain things, they would never get done. The less productive I was, the less happy I was. The less I took care of myself, the more neglected other things became. If I sat around in my pajamas all day, nothing was accomplished. My home became disorganized and cluttered. I had no energy. A few things in my life became an absolute priority so that I could remain happy and sane. With the Fall Season ahead, I'm focusing on me for unselfish (OK...and selfish) reasons. No one wants to be around me if I don't take care of me. Here are a few of my personal-care areas of improvement:

1. Friendships: I've been blessed with some really, really great friends. My husband is my best friend, but as much as he tries to understand me, he'll never be a woman. Having a girlfriend to talk to--even if we can only get in a few sentences before the kids prevent the conversation from going any further--is essential to lifting my sometimes not-so-chipper spirit.
2. Daily Fresh Air: For me, getting out of the house, if only for a few minutes every day is like taking anti-depressant medication. I. NEED. SUN.
3. Exercise: Even if it means waking up at 5am...I won't neglect it! Remember...The benefits I'll gain from working out early are much more important than the bit of sleep I'll lose!
4. Showers and Makeup: Even if I know the 3 and under crowd are the only ones who will see me during the day, I never skip this. You'll rarely see me without makeup on...even if it's just a smidgen of mascara. Why? I feel better about myself. I know that if a friend calls and wants to stop by in, say, 2 minutes, I'm prepared and even excited for the visit. I have more energy. I feel like a non-stinky, proper member of society.
5. Healthy Eating: One of my biggest struggles...I love my sugar...but also one of the key indicators of how I feel. I can tell what kind of foods my kids have eaten by how they're acting. I can also tell what kind of foods I have eaten by my mood. If the foods are healthy, I'm a much better me. (But I'm also a better me with some occasional chocolate...)
6. Marriage: As a mom, it's so easy to put The Man on the back burner. But I notice that when we're not getting alone time, or going on dates, I'm much more discouraged and down about life in general.
7. Sleep: This one will be tricky with my new workout schedule, but if I have any desire to not turn into Monster Mom, I. must. sleep.
8. Meditation: Taking a few minutes to pray, reflect, and listen helps me organize the chaos that is my life as a toddler mom into a more doable job. Even just a few minutes at the beginning and end of the day helps me assess where I am, and where I'm trying to go.

These are a few things I'm going to work on this Fall...how about you?

Working Out Early Morning vs. Never At All...

It's going to take me a while to really admit it, but summer is over. As a stay-at-home mom with a 3-year old and a 1-year old, my life of motherhood has yet to revolve around the school year or the seasons. I can up and leave on vacation anytime somewhere-other-than-here beckons. I can also workout whenever my little heart desires. Most days, it's desire is to be at the gym by 8:30 so I can fit in a little cardio session before the group fitness class at 9. Tough life, I know.

Recently, I had a hard decision to make. I was getting ready to sign The Boy up for preschool, and I had two sessions to choose from: morning or afternoon. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but I hated making the choice! If I chose morning, I would have to drastically change my workout schedule. No more 9am group fitness if he has to be to school by 9:30. If I chose afternoon, The Boy (and I) would miss out on the much-needed nap time. An early-morning-angel-boy isn't quite so pleasant by late afternoon if he's missed his nap. His teacher would NOT thank me for that choice. So somewhat reluctantly, I chose morning preschool.

I would love to think that I could change from working out in the morning to working out in the evening, but it just won't happen. Sure, it may happen on occasion, but things always come up at night...meetings, parties, snuggling up with a good book on the couch, reality TV...you know, important stuff. I love me a good workout, but by nighttime, my motivation to get sweaty drops to pretty much nothing.

Before The Girl entered this world 19 months ago, I was somehow motivated to get out of bed at the crack 'o dawn to workout. But since then, my bed has become cozier. I've stayed up later. Now, waking up at 5am sounds (and feels) like waking up in the middle of the night. (Why wake up at 5, when I can drop my kids off at the kids' club and work out at 9?) But I'm trying to find motivation to do it again. Sure, I could go to the gym and do my own thing while The Boy is at preschool. But there's no group fitness option. Lame, I know, but most days, it keeps me going. The 5:30 am group fit classes are my only other morning option.

So right now, as I type, I'm building up the motivation to wake up in T-10 hours. I think I can do it. I actually love working out early...once I'm up and there. It's just the getting up. It's the leaving the pillow that has formed itself so nicely around my head. It's the wanting to find out what happens in the rest of the now-interrupted-by-the-alarm-clock dream. It's the trying to negotiate with myself that I'll fit in a workout later...sounds good in my half-asleep mind, but it never actually happens. So here's my new commitment:

I will wake up at 5 am at least 3 days a week to work out. I'll allow myself the other two days to negotiate a later time. I'll be more productive as a result. I'll be a better mom! I'll blog more! I can take a power nap later! So, along with Mama Sweat, here's my new mantra:

The benefits I'll gain from working out early are much more important than the bit of sleep I'll lose!

Say it with me now.

The benefits I'll gain from working out early are much more important than the bit of sleep I'll lose!

OK, I feel better. The alarm is set. My new schedule starts tomorrow. Who's with me?

Possible Health (and financial) Benefits of Crying

When I decided to make this morning a productive morning, I should have known I was headed for disaster. With two small children in tow, even one uneventful outing is a miracle. If I can make it to and home from wherever I'm going without a major outburst, it's been a good day. So planning three all-at-once-without-returning-home stops is never a good idea. But this morning, I had places to go.

First stop: The Gym. The gym stop is so deeply engrained in my kids' brains, that I can happily plan on arriving, dropping off at the kids' club, working out, and escaping without causing a big scene. Normally we leave and go straight home so as not to be seen in my sweaty, post-workout state. I shower, the kids have some down time, they nap, and we plan any other outings for later. Today was different. I wanted to get it all done at one time. It's only two more public places, I told myself. They're getting older...they can handle it, right?

I head to my second stop: The Mall to exchange The Boy's new shoes for a smaller size before they give the last pair in his size to another. After the somewhat painful exchange is made (because The Boy can't bear parting with the too-big-shoes...until I let The Girl carry the new box that he just CANNOT let her have), we run out of the mall before one more person glares at the Children (and me) for screaming. With a small hand in each of mine, we run out of the store as their legs flail behind them while trying to keep up with my get-us-the-heck-out-of-here pace.

I throw the kids in their carseats, start the car, and The Boy promptly starts to whine that he missed his "show." I bribe him to behave for just one more stop. Third stop: The library. My kids love the library, because I let them choose all the movies and books they want...they're free! I tell him that maybe, just maybe, the library will have a Word World DVD. But before we go look at the DVD's, I just have to clear something up at the counter.

A few weeks ago, we rented several DVD's. I returned all ten of them on time, not wanting to pay any more dang library fines. Shortly after returning them, I received an email saying that two of the DVD's (both Elmo) weren't returned properly, so I owed the library $30.00! I knew I'd returned them in the same condition I'd received them (or so I thought), so it had to be a mistake. And $30.00?!?!? I could buy them both new for less than that!

I stand at the counter, and calmly explain to the library lady what happened. She looks at me and explains that the paper covers inside the cases are ruined, and that the barcode is torn off one, leaving the DVD's in a state unsuitable for re-circulation. As a line forms behind me, the tears threaten to flow. Maybe it's the money. Maybe it's The Girl now hanging upside down in my arms as she tries to squirm away. Maybe it's the impatient people in line behind me wanting me to pay the dang $30.00 already so they can get on with paying their own library fines! Maybe it's the lady who stopped to tell me that my daughter's shoe is on wrong. Whatever it is, I am on the verge of tears. I, still in my sweaty gym clothes, trying to be productive and responsible on this gloomy Monday morning, fight back tears and ask if anyone can help me so that I won't have to pay this stupid fine (especially if I can't even keep the two movies!)

A manager comes out, re-explains to me that my children are obviously the ones who ruined the paper inserts. (And how can I blame her for thinking that my kids are the ones, when hundreds of children have handled the same DVD's? The hundreds of others aren't present, whining and crying, running in circles, speaking in very un-library-like voices, now, are they?) But somehow, out of the kindness of her heart (because there is no kindness in her voice or eyes), she reduces the $30 fine to $10. I gladly pay, then run out, little legs flailing behind, as the Boy screams that he wants to get his library movies. We are NEVER getting another movie from the library, I threaten. Not if it's going to cost me each time you two get your little paws on one!

We make it home. We eat lunch. We calm down. I let myself cry a bit. I feel better. I knew there were health benefits from crying. Who doesn't feel better after a good cry? But I didn't know there were financial benefits, as well. A few months ago, my tears got me out of a speeding ticket (for going 14 mph in a 10 mph zone at the airport). Today, they saved me $20. So as much as I hate being emotional, I guess I'm gonna keep crying! And I guess I'll limit my public post-workout outings to a minimum!