7 tips for reducing stress...and some potty-training woes

Alright, after a blogless week, it's time for a confession. For a few weeks, I have been an emotional wreck. Yes, I'm pregnant. Yes, I'm sleep deprived. Yes, I expect way too much of myself and definitely don't live up to my own expectations. But I can normally hold it together. A few weeks ago, however, I sobbed on the phone to my mom, telling her what a horrible mom I am. My sister thought I was mad at her, until she finally asked me what was wrong, and I broke down. Today, my good friend came over for a "Do The Potty Dance" house party I hosted and told me that she'd been worried about me, another friend was worried about me, and even my friends' MOM was worried about me. I guess I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I put on a happy face, but apparently to those who know me best, my fake happy face apparently isn't so happy!

Now before you jump to too many conclusions, let me say this...I'm feeling much better! Those of you who have been in my shoes will laugh when I tell you the source of my sorrow, and will say...DUH! when I tell you the new solution.

Here it is: I have a 3-year old little boy "P" who will turn 4 in May. He is still not potty-trained, and there my friends, you have the source of my frustration. He's a brilliant, sweet, loving little boy. And he is Mr. this-is-the-one-thing-in-my-life-I-have-control-over-so-don't-you-dare-force-me-to-pee-in-the potty. We started working on potty training when we was probably 2 1/2. He'd been speaking in full sentences for well over a year, and was my oldest, so of course I thought he was ready. EVERYONE around me was doing it, so I felt a lot of pressure to get him on the pot. And he did great for a while. He pooped before he ever pee'd, so I thought we had it in the bag! Until we didn't.

He got worse and worse, until I was washing 5 pairs of pants every day! My husband and I were constantly frustrated, yet nothing worked. And this wasn't just affecting potty-training. It put a strain on our relationship, caused my sweet little boy to turn into a super defiant 3-going-on-16-year-old, and caused me to feel like a failure as a mother.

Before I continue, you have to know that I feel silly even writing about this, and am praying that those of you who don't know me won't judge me for it! EVERYONE has tips and suggestions for potty training, and TRUST ME...we have tried ALL of them. ALL except one...the one that I haven't been willing to try...until now. And here's what it is...we're not doing ANYTHING.

A few weeks ago, my husband found "P" sitting on the floor in his room peeing on the carpet. That was the last straw. We put him back in diapers, and as silly as this sounds, it has been GREAT. When he came to me that first day to tell me that he pooped in his diaper, I wanted to jump for joy. I know he KNOWS when he needs to go, but he's yet to make that mental decision, and we've never allowed it to be HIS decision. So fine...poop in your diaper, little one. It is way easier to wipe a messy bum than it is to ask if you need to go potty a million times a day. So, he's in diapers, and we're all happier. I'm pretty sure he is constantly shocked when I don't react to the mess. But I can't do it anymore. So my son may be the only child still in diapers when he goes to Kindergarten, but at least he'll know my love for him has nothing to do with where he chooses to eliminate. And maybe I'll win an award for the most children still in diapers with the birth of my third. Just think...maybe he'll even hold off until we're ready for # 4...that would be GREAT!

So what's the point? Why am I posting this on FitMePink instead of the family blog? Well...I'm not sure, really, but mostly because potty training has been a HUGE source of stress in my life. And that's what this blog is supposed to be about...eliminating stress! Everyone says that potty training is easy when THEY'RE ready, but I somehow equated my own success as a parent with my child's success on the pot. So I pushed, and I yelled, and I got mad at my husband for also pushing and yelling, I cried, I did lots of laundry, and finally realized a few things about stress:

1. If something in your life is causing bucket-loads of stress, figure out how to ELIMINATE the thing. Putting my child back in diapers was EXACTLY what I needed.
2. A little praise goes a long way. I want to be a big source of encouragement for my children. If all my son hears all day is how naughty he is, then he's GOING to be naughty. If instead, I choose to praise him, to say to others how great he is, and to remind myself of how lucky I am to be the mother of this brilliant little boy, then he WILL be what I truly believe he is. And focusing on the GOOD someone else is doing takes the focus off of ME feeling sorry for MYSELF.
3. Focus on the important stuff. As hard as it is for me to believe at THIS instant, "P" will be potty-trained. I can either sit back and watch it happen, or I can fight and push and hate every moment until it happens. There are far more important things for me to teach my children, and much more fun things to talk about. Like running, and jumping, and playing, and letting them be little! Stop STRESSING the stuff you can't change!
4. Reach out to others. When something big or little is causing stress, you can either isolate yourself, and cause everyone who knows and loves you to think something is terribly wrong, or you can reach out and let them help you. Finally talking about my worries and fears to those I love helped me realize that I'm doing okay, and I will survive!
5. Massage. I haven't had a professional one in quite a while, but someday I'm seriously going to get one every week. For now, my husband will suffice! Massage is more than just being pampered. It decreases the level of cortical which creates the "fight or flight" response in the body. It increases serotonin, the chemical that helps with sleep, anxiety and depression and increases dopamine, which provides the body with pleasurable sensations, smoothing stress away before it can build up. As much as I want to sleep during a professional massage, I don't want to sleep, because it is the BEST hour of my day!
6. Do something you love...like EXERCISE. I just had to throw it in there. In the past month, I've worked out longer and harder than I have in quite a while. (But I've also eaten worse...I'm a terrible emotional eater!) Working out is one of my true loves in life. I've also found refuge in reading, cooking, singing, cleaning (yes--it's therapeutic), and kid-free nights out with my husband. While we're in the turmoil of parenting young children, we NEED and CRAVE nights without them to reconnect. I adore my husband...especially one on one! We're actually going for a QUICK get-away trip to California this week...I can't wait!
7. Stop trying to be perfect. This has probably been the hardest for me. In my mind, I have a picture of the "perfect" mom...the one I will NEVER be. I'm trying, and I'm doing my best, but I cannot be perfect. Time to banish that self-inflicted rule!

I won't ask for tips on potty training, because I've seriously tried them all. And I just can't mentally try anything else. Can anyone relate? And what are your proven stress reducers? Hit me up in the comments!

Possible Health (and financial) Benefits of Crying

When I decided to make this morning a productive morning, I should have known I was headed for disaster. With two small children in tow, even one uneventful outing is a miracle. If I can make it to and home from wherever I'm going without a major outburst, it's been a good day. So planning three all-at-once-without-returning-home stops is never a good idea. But this morning, I had places to go.

First stop: The Gym. The gym stop is so deeply engrained in my kids' brains, that I can happily plan on arriving, dropping off at the kids' club, working out, and escaping without causing a big scene. Normally we leave and go straight home so as not to be seen in my sweaty, post-workout state. I shower, the kids have some down time, they nap, and we plan any other outings for later. Today was different. I wanted to get it all done at one time. It's only two more public places, I told myself. They're getting older...they can handle it, right?

I head to my second stop: The Mall to exchange The Boy's new shoes for a smaller size before they give the last pair in his size to another. After the somewhat painful exchange is made (because The Boy can't bear parting with the too-big-shoes...until I let The Girl carry the new box that he just CANNOT let her have), we run out of the mall before one more person glares at the Children (and me) for screaming. With a small hand in each of mine, we run out of the store as their legs flail behind them while trying to keep up with my get-us-the-heck-out-of-here pace.

I throw the kids in their carseats, start the car, and The Boy promptly starts to whine that he missed his "show." I bribe him to behave for just one more stop. Third stop: The library. My kids love the library, because I let them choose all the movies and books they want...they're free! I tell him that maybe, just maybe, the library will have a Word World DVD. But before we go look at the DVD's, I just have to clear something up at the counter.

A few weeks ago, we rented several DVD's. I returned all ten of them on time, not wanting to pay any more dang library fines. Shortly after returning them, I received an email saying that two of the DVD's (both Elmo) weren't returned properly, so I owed the library $30.00! I knew I'd returned them in the same condition I'd received them (or so I thought), so it had to be a mistake. And $30.00?!?!? I could buy them both new for less than that!

I stand at the counter, and calmly explain to the library lady what happened. She looks at me and explains that the paper covers inside the cases are ruined, and that the barcode is torn off one, leaving the DVD's in a state unsuitable for re-circulation. As a line forms behind me, the tears threaten to flow. Maybe it's the money. Maybe it's The Girl now hanging upside down in my arms as she tries to squirm away. Maybe it's the impatient people in line behind me wanting me to pay the dang $30.00 already so they can get on with paying their own library fines! Maybe it's the lady who stopped to tell me that my daughter's shoe is on wrong. Whatever it is, I am on the verge of tears. I, still in my sweaty gym clothes, trying to be productive and responsible on this gloomy Monday morning, fight back tears and ask if anyone can help me so that I won't have to pay this stupid fine (especially if I can't even keep the two movies!)

A manager comes out, re-explains to me that my children are obviously the ones who ruined the paper inserts. (And how can I blame her for thinking that my kids are the ones, when hundreds of children have handled the same DVD's? The hundreds of others aren't present, whining and crying, running in circles, speaking in very un-library-like voices, now, are they?) But somehow, out of the kindness of her heart (because there is no kindness in her voice or eyes), she reduces the $30 fine to $10. I gladly pay, then run out, little legs flailing behind, as the Boy screams that he wants to get his library movies. We are NEVER getting another movie from the library, I threaten. Not if it's going to cost me each time you two get your little paws on one!

We make it home. We eat lunch. We calm down. I let myself cry a bit. I feel better. I knew there were health benefits from crying. Who doesn't feel better after a good cry? But I didn't know there were financial benefits, as well. A few months ago, my tears got me out of a speeding ticket (for going 14 mph in a 10 mph zone at the airport). Today, they saved me $20. So as much as I hate being emotional, I guess I'm gonna keep crying! And I guess I'll limit my public post-workout outings to a minimum!

20 Reasons I LOVE Yoga!

Here's a little tidbit of information about me: I'm a little bit OCD about my work outs, and missing a workout seriously stresses me out. Forgetting to wear my heart rate monitor before going to the gym just about sends me into a fit of hysteria. I love my cardio workouts, and I love strength training workouts. But today I reminded myself that I LOVE YOGA! I often opt for the higher calorie burn, thinking that Yoga just isn't enough. But tonight I attended a Yoga class, and remembered why I should do it more often! We would all do well to incorporate some Yoga into our regular fitness regimen.

I LOVE YOGA BECAUSE...

• I have to adjust my rear view mirror for the drive home...it makes me sit taller by improving my posture.
• It decreases blood pressure, lowers the heart rate, and improves circulation.
• It helps me control my breathing in normal-life-stressful situations.
• It massages my internal organs, so I'm more in tune with my body.
• It helps me stay regular (along with my fabulous fiber!)
• It gives me a stronger immune system.
• It gives me a higher tolerance for pain.
• It reduces spinal compression and back pain.
  
• It stimulates detoxification of the body...and keeps me younger.
• It is non-competitive. (Although I'm still working on remembering that I don't need to compare what I'm doing to what the instructor is doing.)
  
• It makes me stronger...using only my own body weight.
• I sleep better.
• It teaches me balance and control over my body.
• It makes me a better runner.
• It improves...ahem...sexuality.
• It improves my mood.
• It reduces stress and anxiety.
• It humbles me into better self-acceptance. I can't do every move. And that's OK!
• It's a great measuring stick for my own level of strength and fitness.
• It teaches me to remain calm in the midst of a storm.

For more surprising health benefits of Yoga, read this. Why do YOU love Yoga?

Under-eye Baggage!

Why I'm walking around with huge bags under my eyes:

• Birds have made a home in our dryer vent. I can hear them flapping around through the walls. Gross! Our house is full of hanging wet everythings...from towels to underwear.
• I had a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago that sent me on an emotional rollercoaster. Test: Positive. Emotion: Cried all day. Three days later: I guess a third child isn't the end of the world. Later that day: Bleeding. Blood Test: Pregnancy hormones still high. A week later: Pregnancy test negative. Definite miscarriage. Emotion: Relieved and sad at the same time. Is that possible?
• We've had one house guest after another. Love the company. Hate the recovery.
• I'm turning into monster mom. I must be tired! Me without sleep=tantrum throwing 28-year old!

Why the under-eye baggage will soon go away:

• I've been madly getting ready for a glorious 7-day, child-free cruise! We leave on Friday! See? You can stop feeling sorry for me now...

Why the bags might return:

• Two words: Swine Flu.

Edited to say: Two of the ports have been cancelled (the Mexican ones), so hopefully we still get to go! New schedule announced tomorrow! Please let it be a good one...I'm ready for a break!

Have you any beauty tips for me to get rid of the baggage besides a vacation?

Draining vs. Energizing, and one of my insecurities...

Last night, we attended a family party. I got home and caved. I ate a cinnamon roll. I won't go into how gooey, soft, and moist it was. I enjoyed every. last. bite. I also won't go into the guilt I felt afterwards. But what's done is done. I ate a cinnamon roll. Moving on, right? I'm still fasting from sugar until August...that was just one of my "exceptions." Hopefully the rest of my "exceptions" will be better planned!

ANYWAY, about the family party. I had a blast. We left, and I felt totally energized. I loved sitting, chatting with my cousins who I don't see very often. I really cared about what they had to say, and felt like they cared about me. Such a great feeling!

In general, I think I'm a pretty social person. I love people. I love talking to people. I love talking with my husband. I love talking with my good friends. I love talking to my family. I even love talking with my 2-year old. They energize me. I laugh. We each contribute to the conversation. We care what the other person has to say.

Occasionally, however, I'm in a social situation where I'm not exactly myself. This usually happens when I'm with a group of people who love to talk and talk and talk and talk, without stopping to catch their breath, listen for a response, grunt, nod, nothing. I totally clamp up. I don't say a word. I leave feeling drained. Drained from too much listening, and no contributing. (I sound like such a brat...sorry!)

Does this mean that I need attention? I'm not sure. I actually think I'm a pretty good listener. I just also like to be heard. I think we all do. And I don't think the non-listeners intentionally talk and talk and talk. But for some reason, when I'm with certain extroverted people (usually ones I don't know very well...I open up over time), I pretty much have to spit out whatever I have to say in response to what they said in about .05 seconds before they're on to the next topic. And if I'm in a group with several of these people? I can pretty much count on not even having those .05 seconds to say what I want to say.

I actually really do love extroverts. They make me laugh. They have lots of good things to say. I just can't compete, because (as much as I hate to admit it), I turn into shy, insecure Robyn. And, I'm a bit jealous...wishing I could be the one stealing the show! I just need to chime in. But I don't. And I hate that I don't!

Anyway, it's funny that NOT TALKING is a small example of something that drains me. I need to talk! Don't we all?

It's no secret that life as a mom is draining enough without added drainers. For this reason, I try (not always successfully) to complete at least a few energizing activities a day to help me find balance! Here are a few of both that come to mind...

DRAINING

• not talking
• big grocery shopping trips
• spending money
• shopping, in general, for more than an hour
• getting kids ready to get out the door
• making dinner
• going anywhere with the kids by myself
• potty-training
• getting kids to eat!
• watching the news
• Sunday mornings (by the time we're off to church, I'm frazzled, and our house looks like a tornado hit!)
• talking on the phone (I'm not a good phone-call returner)
• my kids

ENERGIZING

• talking
• EXERCISE!
• friends who care what I have to say!
• friends I care about
• spending money (I love it AND hate it! Probably depends on what I'm buying.)
• eating a good meal
• getting out of the house
• going places with my kids AND husband
• running
• sunshine
• singing
• movies
• church
• reading
• blogging (I get to say what I want, even if no one's listening!)
• Saturday mornings
• talking on the phone (love/hate again)
• my kids
• my husband
• nap time
• sleep
• pedicures
• massages
• girl's night out
• fit me pink!

I guess some draining activities have to be done in order to get to the energizing ones. What drains/energizes you? What situations make you feel unsure of yourself?

EDITED TO SAY: Tina made an excellent point! Some "draining" activities are the ones that make us feel the best. Church can be draining...but it is spiritually energizing. Big parties are draining. But seeing good friends fills us emotionally. And exercise can DEFINITELY be draining. But it feels so good when you've done it!

Stress-Free Parents = Healthy Kids!

I recently read about a study conducted at the University of Rochester (read here) that found that the more stressed out a parent is, the more likely her child is to get sick.

If you're already a QUOTE-UNQUOTE stressed out parent, don't let this news stress you out more! The good news is that taking care of yourself and your own personal mental health is like giving your kids a healthy sickness-preventing dose of vitamin C!

Here are some fun stressbusters...

1. When you're stressed and rushing to get out the door, everyone's screaming and crying, and you're holding back the string of profanities rushing through your head, {{for me, this is Sunday mornings. Why are Sunday's before Church the most stressful morning of the week?}} take a moment to release some tension. When I feel a ticking-time-bomb building up in my chest ready to explode at any moment, if I'm focused, I like to let it out with a happy scream! I gather my stress-inducing children (and husband...wink, wink) around, and we let out a B.I.G. yell for a minute. I feel much better, and the kids never know I was really mad!
2. Learn to say, "NO!" I'm a big time "yesser." I have a REALLY hard time saying "no" when asked for a favor. But sometimes, you just have to! See what's already on your plate, and decide if you can handle tackling the proposed addition. If not, say "no!"
3. See how different types of music affect your mood. Play the type that relaxes you, whether it's rock or classic!
4. Put yourself in "time-out". {{If only I could stay in time-out for as many minutes as I am old!}
5. Take a nap, or get adequate night time sleep. {{I know, like that's going to happen, right?}}
6. Stop trying to be the "perfect mom!" It doesn't exist!
7. Try to quiet the constant "to-do" list in your brain. Pick up a favorite novel, watch a funny-good movie, dust off your old guitar, and engage your mind!
8. EXERCISE!!!!!!!!!! Even if you can only squeeze in a few minutes every day, it will work wonders for your own health, and apparently your children's!

To sum it up...let go thy guilt for taking some YOU time! It's better for everybody involved...including your kiddies.

What are your favorite stress-reducers?

By the way...I had no idea until I read this that there is actually a day designated each year as World Diabetes Day. And guess what? It's TODAY!

To learn more about diabetes and children, go here.