Thursday, May 21, 2009

My 9 Favorite Gym Personalities

I've talked a lot lately about why I love the gym. One reason I haven't mentioned is purely for the entertainment factor. I love people watching! Most people go to the gym to work out in peace, to lose the muffin top, or to burn enough calories to make up for the over-indulgent weekend. They show up, they quietly do their thing, and they leave feeling good about what they've accomplished. Occasionally, however, you'll see someone who catches your attention in a big way. For some, these annoying personalities ruin the gym experience. And yes--maybe they do need to learn proper gym etiquette. However, I love seeing those that "stand out" in the gym crowd:
  1. The cell phone addict. I occasionally walk into the gym talking on my phone, but the conversation usually lasts no more than a few minutes once inside. Others, however, will show up and gab for 45 minutes straight while walking on the treadmill. If you really want to get in a good workout, you probably shouldn't be able to carry on a long conversation! But thanks for sharing the juicy details of your life with the rest of us gym-goers.
  2. The Sweat-er. OK...I guess I sort of fit into this category, because I. sweat. a. lot. I try to be conscious, however, of the sweat I leave behind. There's nothing worse than going to sit on a machine that displays a perfect wet outline of Mr. Sweat. Ewwwww.
  3. The Beauty Queen. Back in my Personal Training days, I had an adorable old lady named Christine who never showed up without lipstick, earrings, and an overwhelming aroma of hairspray and perfume. I'm not sure who she was trying to impress, but I loved her dearly. I felt bad working her hard, however, because I didn't want to mess up her hair! These days, I see girls showing up with long, flowy hair (that they never put in a pony tail), with their full makeup on (that they never work quite hard enough to sweat off), their cleavage spilling out of their tops, and their bum cheeks hanging out the back. Really, girls? Are you trying to make those of us who roll out of bed and head to the gym with bed hair and no makeup look bad? Well it's working. But we're the ones laughing!
  4. The Farter. Do I need to explain? These ones are always lurking somewhere in my early morning spin class. Small, crowded, sweaty damp room. I'm not laughing...I'm choking.
  5. The Grunter. We see your muscles, guys. Do we really need to hear them, too? Actually, this one makes me laugh more than any other. Keep on grunting. You're helping strengthen my core with laughter.
  6. The Social Butterfly. For some, the gym really is just a social outlet. Avoid eye contact at all cost unless you want to spend 20 minutes gabbing instead of working out! They have nice jaw muscles, though.
  7. The Front Row Performer. In group fit classes, these girls are the ones who stand closest to the instructor, but practically make up their own routine. The instructor marches, and they jump. The instructor does 10 squats, and they do 20. Over-achieving-attention-seeking-non-conformists. I love these girls. I'm just not brave enough to join them. I'm a conformer, yes I am.
  8. The impatient guy. Stop asking me if I'm done with the machine. I'll get off when I'm done! Unless you're secretly hitting on me...I'm married...he liked it so he put a ring on it! (Not that I've ever been hit on at the gym--refer to #3--I'm no beauty-gym-queen.)
  9. The Nudist. OK, I don't love this one. I usually avoid the locker room in case the beauty queen decides to take a shower and forgets to put her clothes back on. I don't want to see it, thanks! I got enough of that in Finland (the land of the nekkid saunas!)

So what category do you fit in? Farters, 'fess up! OK, don't. But thanks for making me laugh like an immature 10-year old! Who wants to join me in my people-watching--entertainment and a work out. Who could ask for more?


Christie said...

And that, my dear, are just a few of the reasons I have a trainer come to my house and a treadmill in the basement. I CANNOT DO THE GYM.

Lyenna said...

Okay I think I would go just to people watch LOL!!! I have to admit though, I would be the over-achiever, to a degree. I would just do it in the back row:)

I once heard a story from my friend who went to a pilates class and the girl next to her kept queefing!:) and the queefer acted like it was all good. Would you not adjust, seriously? That's worse than being a farter. Needless to say my friend had to leave because she couldn't keep from laughing hysterically, so sad I missed that LOL

Diane said...

I've been going to the gym early in the mornings, and I am definitely NOT there to impress! I know what you mean about some of the girls who go though. I've seen some who spend as much time in front of the mirror before going out on the floor as they spend on the treadmill! GEEZ! I'm always praying I don't run into anyone I know!

Bonnie and Brian Wayne said...

I totally get the nekkid sauna thing since my bro in law went to finland. We have heard lots of stories.

TOTALLY relate to all the posts - funny! I giggled at the over-achieveing girls who make up their own routine. For the record, Tami would ALWAYS make up her own routine but not to show off. You could just tell she thought something else at the time would be better, or not enough reps were included. I would always call her out on it.

"Now we are going to do sidelying obliques, unless you are Tami"