I have a small confession. People sort of scare me. I guess I don't mind singing, speaking, or teaching in front of people--I actually like it. I also really love running races--the spectators are my favorite part. But I HATE walking alone in front of people. I don't like feeling all eyes on me as I walk to the front of a room. I've never been graceful. (I broke my leg on my first real date!) I dropped a food tray in the dorm cafeteria once, and wanted to hide in a corner as everyone cheered. This and other walking moments have scarred me for life.
If I have to, I'll do it. But I'll be thinking and concentrating so hard on every step--trying to appear graceful--that I'll probably trip. I've gotten a little better. Like if I'm carrying a screaming child out of a quiet Church meeting, I'm probably not really thinking about how I'm walking. But if I'm in a movie theater needing to pee, you can be pretty sure I'm going to hold it until the end. I don't like walking in front of people.
Tonight, I was at the airport waiting for my brother and his fiancee in the Park-N-Wait lot. When they were ready and waiting at the curb, I turned the car on to go get them, but suddenly got nervous. I was in a parking lot with a bunch of sitting and waiting cars that I had to drive in front of. Silly, I know. Like they were even watching me. But I felt totally self-conscious as I drove in front of them. Weird.
I have a tiny disclaimer. I got pulled over at the airport last week for going 14 mph in a 10 mph zone. So airports have me a bit jittery. But this doesn't change the fact that I get totally self-conscious walking in front of people. I don't have a solution. I'll just have to keep walking and blushing. But I don't have to like it!
Do you have any weird insecurities? How do you get over them?
2 comments:
I have issues walking out of Sacrament meeting alone, but if accompanied by a child, I'm much better. But my biggest insecurity, though, is going some place I've never been. It could be a store, movie theatre, etc. It doesn't matter. If I haven't been there before, or if I'm not with someone who has been there before, I get nervous.
My list of insecurities is endless. . . so I won't go there. However I did trip at graduation while I was walking up to get my diploma. . . oh the shame!
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